when i need it most

Occassionally, I check my top played songs on iTunes. I'll never be able to touch my top two songs "We're Both So Sorry" by Mirah (105 plays) and "I Needed It Most" by My Morning Jacket (102 plays respectively). Both songs elicit vivid memories of a night spent listening to the song on repeat hoping for something to go away. It worked both times.
The rest of the songs on the 25-long list all have deep rooted personal attachment from the one I just couldn't get over ("Happy" by the Wrens) to times when I felt like I just couldn't reach above the surface ("Day Old Blues" by Kings of Leon). There are staple songs I've listened to to make myself believe that I wasn't the fucked up one, they were, like "Paper Bag" by Fiona Apple and songs that helped me feel stronger like "Bag Lady" by Erykah Badu.
All of the songs are part of me and if I were to listen to them I could go back to the exact time and place they hit me. The moment I stopped what I was doing, sat and listened. Began obsessing. Some of them have become prayers of mine. I think God listens a little more closely when Jim James does the talking. Who wouldn't?
I keep my music on shuffle most of the time. Honestly, it's because I feel a huge connection to it and there have been more times than I could count that a song I had never heard before or never heard before in quite that way has begun playing and told me just what I needed to hear. When I needed it most.
It's funny, because as a "writer" you'd think I'd be able to pen down exactly how I feel about something. Sometimes I can. Sometimes it won't come until I'm in the shower or driving my car. But, more often than not, a song does the job for me. And I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but the bottom line is, it makes me feel real to know that someone, somewhere has been there too. It's hit them too.
Sometimes there are moments in life that are completely impossible to articulate. Last week was one of those for me. No words will ever come to mind to adequately express what I needed to. I hoped and prayed words would come to be to be able to express comfort, loss and hope. Nothing. I had been driving around in silence for most of the day Wednesday (probably the second time ever this has happened, the first due to a broken CD player) and as the clouds lifted and the sun broke through I decided it was time. I randomly selected track 3 and immediately found the words to say. They weren't mine, but they brought comfort, and if that made it a little easier for him, that's all that matters. When he needed it most.
There are songs that will fall off the list with time, they will be replaced with more significant moments, but they'll all always be there when I need them most.